GUESS WHAT!!!!! Omg omg omg omg omgomgomgomgomg!!

Wednesday!!!
I had my appointment today with the OB. He says that he's concerned about Peanut's size (Why NOW??? Where were YOU four weeks ago, doc??? ) He asked what my feelings were about going late. I told him about my fear of having to labour for hours and hours only to wind up having a c-section because she's so big. He said that's ok. At least you can have a c-section. The worst is when the shoulders get stuck, and the baby's head is out. Then the baby is just stuck and you can't have a c-section. He didn't say what the fix for that would be, but that's an even MORE terrifying thought than the one that was bugging me already! Nice guy, eh? Rargh.

Anyway, after the internal he said I am fingertip dilated already, and my cervix is nice and soft, so he would like us to go in on WEDNESDAY AT 7AM TO BE INDUCED!!!!!! Omg, I can hardly believe it!!

By Thursday, I will have MY BABY IN MY ARMS!!! Good Lord. How am I going to make it through tomorrow? How am I going to sleep tomorrow night???? My baby is coming!! ON WEDNESDAY!!!!!

OMGOMGOMG!!!!

Sooo ready.

I'm doing ok, but I'm ready now. I am just so tired of being unable to stand up without issues, and being unable to bend over without grunting...I'm tired of sore hips, and my sore back, and I am just SOOOO anxious to meet this baby!! I have an OB appointment tonight at 6:45 and although I will have to endure an internal, he is going to be checking whether the baby is engaged and whether we may be able to induce. I am hoping that we can because this kid is BIG and I don't want to add any additional risk of having to have a C-section after labouring for hours, kwim? If we can get her out before she reaches monster proportions, I will be a happy camper. Plus I am just impatient. :P

Trying to get Peanut to hurry up.

Kelly and I went to the mall, and for about 4 hours we just walked and walked. There was only one break for me when we went to Johnny Rocket's for an early dinner, though. Oh, and poor me. I barely fit in the booth!! By the time we left, I had a big line in my tummy where the table edge was. After all that walking I was totally pooped, but guess what. Nada. I was just really sore yesterday like I had done some serious workout or something....my back especially was killin me! At about 11:00pm last night the cramps started up real good. I was getting it once every 45 mins to an hour which is basically nothing except that they were so consistent. Joe was out, so I decided to stay up and wait for him because I was working on something. He FINALLY stumbled home at 3:30 (whole 'nother story), and the cramps had been pretty consistent up to then. I fell asleep at about 4, and that was it. Today nothing so far. Very VERY frustrating.Oh well...from 10pm when Joe went out until he came home, I managed to knock out 8 receiving blankets, another decorative little pillow, a throw blanket, and two nursing pillows. At least I was productive, even if Peanut wasn't!

I find out tonight at my appointment what the plan of attack will be. I get to have an internal. YAY! I think if he finds that she is engaged and I am 'getting there' he will consider inducing. Hopefully SOOOOOON. I am worried by the Baby Stories I see when the mom is labouring for hours and hours and hours and just can't do it and the baby has to be born via c-section. I would rather try and have her before she reaches astronomical proportions so as to hopefully minimize the risk of being in that position! Ok, if I have to have one I have to have one, but if I can cut my risk factors, that would be nice too!

As to Joe coming home late, he was at the mercy of the group since he didn't drive, so that I can sorta excuse, but the condition he came home in was reprehensible. He couldn't walk, only stagger. I hadn't seen him that drunk since his stag, and then he wound up sitting on the couch telling me he felt sick from it. "Well serves you right, you bum!!" I told him. Then he fell asleep on the couch and that was that. But imagine if something HAD happened! How would I explain that to the doctors at the hospital? "Yeah, he's drunk. Give ME any information directly" Omg. How shameful! The thing is, he really IS genuinely excited, and he just thought it was the last chance he would have to go out with the boys and really paint the town. I can see that, but still. Ugh. I was mad, what can I say. When he's sober, I have never seen him more excited, though. He talks to my belly and tells her to come out. He calls me a couple times a day from work to ask me how I'm doing. "Anything yet?" is his phrase of the moment. I just can't wait till I can say "Yes...come home!" to that one.

The Pointy Thing

Peanut has what we call "the pointy thing" and it can always be found by touching my belly. The funny thing about 'the pointy thing' is that as soon as you touch it, it moves away. Fun times.

OB Appointment Yesterday

Yesterday was supposed to be (in my mind, anyway) the big appointment where we decide if I will be induced early or not. I had to get my doctor's office to refax the information from the last u/s I had done, and we were supposed to look at the results yesterday and go from there.

Well.

I don't think we are any further decided than we were before. Turns out, though, that Peanut is in the 75th percentile for size. That means she was bigger than 75% of babies of her gestational age at the time, so the doctor asked me what I would like to do. I said I wanted to rock and roll, and have the baby before I run the risk of her becoming too big for me to deliver without surgery. His answer? Um, ok then. Let's do an internal next week and check how things are coming along. We'll check if she has come farther down, then too. See you Monday. Keep out of trouble. The end. Grrrr. I don't feel as if any progress was made at all. Oh well. Peanut could always come on her own before then, although I am not allowed to go into labour on Wednesday or early Thursday as per my mom. Poor mom is so mad because her boss is making her go on a business trip this week. She'll be back by 8pm Thursday, though, so Joe keeps saying "Ok, no problem. Thursday night we go into labour, and Ella will be born on Friday. Done deal." Oh if only it were that easy!!! Friday is our ideal day to have her, though. It's Nana's birthday...the one she's named after. Wouldn't that be cool for them to have the same name AND birthday?? So cross your fingers for me that Joe's plan can somehow miraculously come to fruition!!

Ho Hum.

Got an OB appointment this afternoon. Should start getting ready soon, but I am too busy being a bump on a log. Room is ready. Bags are packed. Drawers are stocked. Daddy is ready. Mommy is ready. Enough waiting already. Bring on the BABY!!! Raspberry leaf tea, castor oil...I don't care what it takes, but something's gotta give! My belly skin hurts and it looks like a train wreck. I can't stand up without grunting and groaning and half the time Joe has to help me. I want to be able to walk more than three feet without baby squashing my bladder into an uncomfortable raisin. I want to wear proper shoes....I want to see my baby! I want to hold and cuddle and smell my baby! No more comfy tummy for you, Peanut. You are hereby evicted!! COME ON PEANUT!!! I WANT TO SEEE YOUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!

Page 28

Baby Shower, (but aren't baths safer? hehe)

On Sunday afternoon, I was told to be at my mom's for 3 pm. When arriving, my friend Nancy was just getting out of her car with a big gift wrapped in baby paper. "Hmmmm....wonder why Nancy's here...and who could the present be for?" (Nancy was late...she was supposed to be there at 2:30, but we went in together.) It's ok, I knew my mom was throwing me a shower that day. My MIL is not good at secrets, and besides that, my mom was not good at keeping it secret either. Why else would she need my friend's emails?

I couldn't believe all the people there. I thought there would be 5, tops, but there was at least twice that many. We played games, and had a nice lunch in the backyard, and then it was present time. My registry was wiped out of the big stuff!! All that was left on it were the little things like receiving blankets and the like. I got my Angelcare monitor, my FP Baby Papasan, my set of bottles for when I am a proficient pumper, oh my goodness....so much stuff! I also got some beautiful stuff that WASN'T on the registry, like a set of peek-a-blocks and a set of roll a rounds which Joe and I really wanted but didn't add, some adorable outfits, and my friend Jenn brought a beautiful handknit blanket that her mom made, complete with matching mitts and a scarf! It's even in the same yellow as the bedding I made! She also brought a coatrack that her dad made, and the base is all bunnies. SO CUTE!

My friend brought me a beautiful soft blanket from Austria, and a couple adorable little outfits (in yellow! What a smart girl...She knew I was tired of pink, and yellow is my fave!) and a Baby Mozart DVD which I may preview today. Then my MIL gave me my glider that I wanted so much. After all was unwrapped, my mom gave me a terrible card which made me ball my eyes out....maybe I will transcribe it here. After the card, my mom brought out the gifts from herself, my Nana (Ella's namesake), and my stepdad and sis. It was our playyard and our STROLLER!!!!! Omg...my little Peanut hasn't seen a speck of the world yet, and she's already spoiled! So wonderful. I got to bring home the helium balloons, even.

I am so blessed.


The card:

First, there's the news.
The heart-pounding,
could-it-be-true news
that arrives like a telegram
from the universe
telling you that your world is about to
explode
into a million brilliant
emotions.
Then comes the queasiness, the sleepiness,
the funny food cravings.
You count the weeks and wait
for the milestones --hearing a heartbeat,
seeing a shadowy sonogram image,
feeling that first fluttery kick.
You wonder if you really ready for this.

But then...
you start making room
for the little one who already
sleeps to the rhythm of your heartbeat
and appears in your dreams at night.

The little one who waits,
just like you,
for that beautiful day
when you'll both look into each other's
eyes
and see the promise
of a lifetime
of beautiful
tomorrows.

With all our love and anticipation,
Mom, Don, Kelly and Nana.

Nope.

There's no way. No way I can go back to work. I tried to sit here at my desk for a couple hours and you should see my feet. They look like balloons. And my back is screaming. I think my body just got used to being off work. It's just not gonna happen. Give up the ghost Kim. Going to sit my sorry ass on the couch with my feet up for a bit now.

I called this morning and spoke to my boss. I said "See ya next year".

Now what to do with myself?

A plan...

I had intended to work till 39 weeks. I was going to have a week off before Peanut's arrival to tie up loose ends, and I was going to be tough and not have any problems. I was not going to be a whiner, and I was going to be strong and walk my three blocks every day without a complaint. (I was also not going to get stretch marks or swelling, by the way. )

Anyway, the bp thing changed my plans for me a bit. Joe made a good suggestion. He said I should call my family doc (who I have been seeing in tandem with the OB) and see what SHE thinks. So I told her that he says the bp is ok. He did not check it or ask me about it, but I still have some bigtime swelling in the feet and legs. Her response was "I will back you up if you don't want to work. It's good that your blood pressure is down now, but I am concerned that if you go back you will just wind up in the same position again."

I was really hoping for her to say go or don't go. Not more ambiguous "You decide" stuff. That didn't help much! I am thinking I will go back on Monday. I have an appointment with the OB on Monday evening after work. He can check and see how I am doing after that one day. If the bp is even slightly elevated, then off I will go. If it's ok, I will try and hang in for one more week, because that one cheque will make a big difference to me. So that's my plan.

What to do?

Went to get my blood pressure checked again. It's ok now, which is good. He says that technically I could go back to work if I wanted to, but he doesn't see why I would bother, seeing as I'm at 36 weeks tomorrow. I don't know what I want to do now!! I thought I wanted to go back, but now I'm not so sure. The three block walk in...being stuck at a desk when there's stuff to do here...They don't even need me because the new girl is already there and doing just fine... Besides...what if work was what was making my bp so high in the first place? But then again...I could use the money! I asked him about being induced early, and he says depending on my blood pressure, which he will be keeping a close eye on, I could be induced a week or two early. Well, I know natural is best but I am REALLY wanting to go early! This baby is big already...I don't want a Guiness World Record on my hands! I want a chance at a nice easy delivery!

Ahhhh. What to do. What to do?

Well, can't ignore it., I'm having some issues.

My doc has forbidden me to go to work at least until I have seen my OB on the sixth.

Apparently this swelling is extreme, (I gained 9 lbs of water since I saw her two weeks ago, and the swelling goes right up to my knees) and my blood pressure which has always been perfect is now up. She says that if it doesn't go away during my time off, I'm off work for a year, whether I like it or not. She said it may also be necessary to induce me early if it worsens, maybe at 38 weeks. She also said the baby is REALLY big (I'm measuring 38 cm) so an early delivery might not be a bad thing. She sent me for an u/s to confirm.The u/s revealed a perfect little hamburger, so Peanut is without a shadow of a doubt, 100% girl. That's cool because they said before that she was a girl based on what they DIDN'T see. Now she's for sure a she because of what we DID see!!

It also revealed that she is really big. She is measuring about 37.5 or 38 weeks gestation, and is currently 7.5 lbs. I am SO not ready to be off work! I was really counting on this month's pay to make the ends meet up nicely, not to mention the fact that I was planning on being a pillar of strength and wasn't going to have any problems. I know that sounds dumb, but I just really wanted everything to be just so. And now it seems things are not going as perfectly as planned. I always thought that the delivery was the thing that you couldn't plan...it never occurred to me that I might not make it to my due date, or that I wouldn't be 100% normal or healthy. Thank God, though, that it's not Peanut with issues, it's me. I wouldn't be able to handle it if my sweet baby was in any kind of distress.

Oh well, at least we got some more u/s pics. We saw her seriously chunky little cheeks, and her cutie little feet. May even have to go back for another u/s, although I forget why the tech said that...I think it had something to do with Ella's size. Maybe they will be wanting to check her lungs down the road or something...I dunno. Anyway, I will scan her newest pics a little later as it's feet up time.

Bah.

Baby is sharp

Peanut used to be soft. She used to gently thump. Now I envision her as a pointy little creature with long sharp teeth because lately she is better at stabbing than bonking.

Wow that hurts sometimes!!! Guess I should just be grateful she hasn't learned to gnaw on my ribs yet!

Hmmm...Maybe that's why I like the hiccups so well. They aren't sharp.

Holy cow. Literally.

Do I look fat in this shirt? :P

I am definitely past the cute, attractive...whatever stage, and am into the "Good God...how come all my shirts are so SHORT?!" stage. I miss T2 a bit, but I'm closer to the finish line, so hurrah for that!

How are you doing, Kim?

Wow...how am I doing...what a big question!

Ok...sleeping? Not really. Hubs loves me lots, and I love him back, but DAMNIT STOP SNUGGLING ME!!! I wind up way to hot and scrunched up against the wall of the waterbed. Yay for the waterbed, though. I can still comfortably sleep on this bigass belly.

Do we HAVE to talk about weight? Fine. So far, I have gained about 30 lbs. Yes 30. Close your mouth. Let's move on, shall we?

Stretch marks are only on my piercing. I look like a freak with a red flower on my bellybutton.

Peanut is busy all the time now. It's amazing, and I know I will miss this feeling of not being alone. Alas, she is a clever one with a great sense of humour who finds it hilarious to kick me in the bladder. The REAL funny thing about that is we don't kick once, we kick 85 times...THWACK! THWACK! THWACK... Oh tons of fun! And then there's the neat way we like to get wedged in funny so that mommy feels like she's got MAJOR gas pains all of a sudden. When I poke her, she gets out of the way though, bless her heart. What's really neat, though, is watching my tummy change shape as she moves. It's spooky on the one hand, but on the other hand, it really hits home that there's a person in there, and it makes me all sucky.

I am getting heartburn LARGE. This past weekend I went into the Mac's in Elmvale and bought 4 rolls of Tums on the way up to Wasaga. The girl behind the counter had a chuckle and asked if that's what the baby has done to me. I said pretty soon I'll be taking out stocks in the company. Guess she's gonna have lots of hair!

I am starting to be sore and achy all the time, and I can see how I will want to be done with this before very long. Although I love having her with me all the time, I am dying to meet her, and I am just plain uncomfortable at times. I am finding that in particular, my hip joints feel like there is no strength there at all. Sometimes I stand up and feel like I'm going to fall. I am trying to keep walking in the mornings, but it takes a lot out of me with this heat. My back is starting to hurt too, so bending over is becoming an issue already, and my swollen feet and ankles are waaayyy too sexy.

The nursery hasn't been started yet, but we have all the pieces...we just need to assemble the puzzle. I am really looking forward to that part. SOOOOOO looking forward to it! I am not going up north this weekend so that I can get a head start on throwing out a lot of junk I have been hanging on to, and preparing the room for painting. I have done WAYYYY too much shopping. Maybe for shits and giggles later I will take pictures of all the goodies that my serious lack of willpower caused me to be unable to resist buying. I wonder how much $$ I have spent so far? Hopefully I am not completely poor by the time the baby arrives!!

The prospect of delivering this child is terrifying. I am hoping to get into some childbirth classes soon so that I can have a good idea of what is going to happen. Knowledge is power, after all....right? RIGHT? Um...what else? I have registered with the hospital. I have registered with Toys 'R' Us... The main feeling I have right now is of time running through my fingers like water. I feel like the baby will be here before I know it, and I am scared I won't be prepared. But I can't wait. All at the same time.

I think I'm going loco.

Sleep Issues

In and out, no prob. Rolling over, not so good, lol. Getting in is easy. I just sort of fall in. Getting out involves rolling over so that I am facing the floor and my foot is under me. Upsy daisy, and away I go. I told Joe that I don't know how long it will last, and pretty soon he's gonna have to get me up! I can still sleep on my tummy, my sides or my back and feel comfy...it's just getting there that's the issue. The bed is so squishy it takes 3 times the effort to roll over than a normal bed would, and I am just so stiff and unflexible lately that it makes it really hard. Add in the fact that Mr. Joe seems to want to snuggle me and the baby all the time, he winds up on MY side of the bed, and I get wedged in between the wall and the mattress. I also find the bed too warm. I find Joe too warm. I didn't think the heat would bother me since I'm usually too cold all the time, but wow. I can't sleep because of it a lot of nights. That's why I wedge into the wall...I'm trying to get away from Mr. 'I Want to Snuggle But I'm a Furnace' Man! One o these days...One o these days, I'm gonna send im to da MOOOOOONNNN!!!

I've HAD it. I've REALLY Had It!

Maternity pants!!

Are they designed by the devil to make me look like a bumpkin having to pull them up all the time? We can send people into space, do an operation on someone from across the world, and I can see my baby in 3D, but so far noone has come up with a maternity pant that I don't have to pull up every 3.721 seconds. I walk down stairs...pants are falling down. I sit down and stand up...pants are falling down. I think about my pants...they fall down!!!!!!!

SOMEONE PLEASE INVENT SOME DECENT MATERNITY PANTS!!!!! I don't care if they're underbelly, overbelly, button to the bra, or suspendered. Just make some stinkin pants that don't fall down!!!!!!!


Thank you.
I feel better now.

So there.

I think I have gained a hundred and seventeen thousand pounds. I am sure I am out of range of where I should be anyway. But popsicles are necessary, and I am not stopping ice cream either.

See3D

Went to have the 3d/4d u/s on Saturday. I woke up waaaayyy too early out of nothing but sheer excitement. Peanut was really busy, so I thought it must be a perfect day for taking a peek at her in her cramped little world. I was a good girl and I remembered to eat my chocolate before we went, and I even had some juice which usually gets her going. Into the office we went, and Joe and I were so excited you'd think we had ants in our pants. A nice lady invited us into a darkened room, and there she showed us the most wonderful thing I have ever seen in my life.

Our daughter.

She was very sleepy from her busy morning, but we got to watch her yawn several times, and learned that she always does the oh so cute lip smacking thing after she yawns. It's really incredibly amazing what you can see. Joe was touching my foot for a lot of it...it was so nice, like he was holding my hand. He would squeeze whenever something special happened. We watched her suck her thumb, and then she gave that up and started to suck her toe. When she dropped her foot away from her mouth, it felt like a kick. She went back to sucking her thumb, at which point she fell asleep for a couple minutes. After some wiggling of the wand by the u/s tech, she woke up, opened her eyes, and entertained us by yawning, rolling over, and hiding from the 'camera'. After having me roll over, she showed us many funny faces, including something that looks like a smile. She is very fond of that particular expression, and showed us her sweet smile several times, melting us completely.

After we were through at the u/s place, we took our DVD directly over to my mom's to show her, my stepdad, and my sis. I particularly enjoyed the chance to watch it again as the first time I was watching it all sideways! They were amazed and happy with the results. Then we took the DVD up to the trailer and showed it to MIL, who was really excited about it too. I did not cry at all; I was very tough.

This morning I asked Joe to put it on again, and we sat and watched it just the two of us. I cried and cried and cried, and Joe kept wiping away my tears and saying "Look at her cute chubby cheeks!! Look at those lips! I think that's Daddy's chin..." I just can't believe that she really is in there...that inside this lumpy ol body is that tiny angel. She looks just like Daddy, too, just like I knew she would. But how can we have created something so perfectly beautiful just by having an evening of fun? It's such a miracle...it squeezes my heart to think of it. Seeing that face come out of the darkness like that...It just makes everything worthwhile. I can't wait to meet her in person, but I feel that much closer to her already. She is already our entire world. All two pounds of her.

Antici.....PATION!

I can't wait to see the u/s tomorrow, but Joe is even worse than me. Last night he told me that he had to go to bed early. I asked why, thinking maybe he had an early meeting this morning. Nope. He said "Cause I won't get any sleep tomorrow night, I will be so excited!!" Meanwhile, he is asleep on the couch right now, but at 10:15 he told me "In 12 hours we will see Peanut again!!" Poor guy. He caught my cold so he's tired, but he's excited anyhow. Now I'M the one who can't sleep! It's worse than the night before Christmas when you're 10! Mind you, I used to tell my mom I had to go to sleep early so that tomorrow would come faster...maybe that's what I will do!

Anywho, wish me luck for tomorrow that Peanut cooperates and we are able to see her face...Actually...if you could also wish me luck that we don't get any surprises, that would be great too!

Coooooool...

It's soooo hard to get any work done in the day because I tend to sit and stare at my belly lately. It's got a life of it's own for sure. Even now, when I sit sort of reclined, my tummy seems shifted entirely to the left. My tummy is squishy and lower on the right. The left is at LEAST an inch higher, and harder. I guess Peanut is over there somehow...? Anyway, it's all such an exciting mystery...you can't help but sit and wonder what's going on in there, you know? Like...was that a foot, or a hand, or a knee or an elbow that just hit me? Is that just rhythmic kicking or 4 hiccups? I am totally loving this part of it!

How'm I gonna be able to wait?

I have no idea how I will make it through my days until I get to see this little one's face...no idea. I'm so excited I feel as if I could burst.

Today Joe and I booked the day off since I had an appointment to meet the OB for the first time. It was fairly uneventful and uninteresting except for two things: 1) It turns out that I will NOT be delivering the baby at the same hospital I was born in. I am a little depressed about that, but I will get over it. Turns out I have to go to the hospital that Joe's dad had his colon surgery at. It gave him lots more time with us, so maybe that will be my positive thing? Nope. It's still sucky. I am still sad.
2) But we got to hear the baby's heartbeat again!!

So then with all that extra time, we went cruising all over the city. We had lunch at Zet's over by the airport, then it was off to Woodbridge where we spent hours in Toys 'R' Us...partly for Peanut, and partly for us big kids. While in Woodbridge, I managed to cooerce Joe into taking me to Ikea, and that's where everything gets good.

I am settled on decor for the baby's room!! Hurrah!!!
We found the baby's dresser/changetable, and a gorgeous toybox. We also found a super cute floor mat, and an inflatable chair. YAY!!

Woo Hoo!

On Saturday, Joe and I went out and finally bought a crib!! Not just any old crib, though. The crib that I wanted! I am so happy...I can't wait to get going on decorating the nursery!! Unfortunately, there's this thing about a cat that currently lives in that room who is going to have to move out. Then we have to paint (OMG...I will have to settle on a colour!!!) And then there's a certain issue of having Joe's uncle come over and lay down a new hardwood floor (which is only gonna cost us about $200 worth of wood and a case of beer!!!). THEN we will be looking at putting the crib in there. The best part is everywhere I have seen this style of crib, it's been $500 and up, but we got it for $399, mattress and tax included!! I'm so excited!! Now I need bedding though. I am thinking of pink and green, and I have seen so many beautiful bedding sets on Ebay. Unfortunately, they are VERY expensive, so Mom and I are going to go fabric shopping and I will be trying to make something similar. Then I'm thinking I would paint the room green so if there is another Peanut in our future and it's a boy, the colour is still ok. Yay!!! It's a little real, but great!

I smell bad stuff.

Getting preggo and quitting smoking at the same time really has an interesting effect on the nose. I can't stand the way the house smells...but the SUBWAY! Really...it smells like a mouldy old rubber boot that an 80 year old man has peed in 4 months ago. Yup. Just like that.

Epiphany

Oh boy, our little one will be here before we know it!! I have sooooo much to buy and do...I dont want to think about it!

I'm gonna be SIX MONTHS on Saturday!!! Like HEL-LO! Time is passing!! Let's get a nursery started for this critter, Kim!!

Tummy Feels Weird

I can't put a finger on exactly what defines 'weird'...just my tummy feels weird. Kinda...sore...but PRESSURE. Like when your bladder is REALLY full, but it's not my bladder, I don't have to pee... Maybe it's gas? A growth spurt? I thought of BH, but it's not tight...just...extra. Full. Heavy. Otherwise known as weird, like it doesn't belong in my body.

Oh well, Peanut seems to be enjoying it. She's happily bonking away in there at the moment.

As for stretch marks, so far, although my belly is pretty ginormous, I haven't got any yet. I'm doing the heavy duty body butter thing, but from what I'm told, it's all genetics and no amount of cream can save us. If I turn out anything like my mom, I can expect some on my boobs, but a perfectly unlined tummy. I don't know if that's good or not...I don't show my tummy much, but I like to show a little cleavage now and then! If they do hit, I intend to think of them as awards.

This one is my award for NOT eating that sundae.
This is my award for not going hormonal on Joe today.
This is my award for watching my fat intake today.
This is my award for making it to 6 months....

Yup. That'll work!

I am finding that things are really different with Joe and I lately, but in a really good way.

Maybe certain things have stopped, but I find that he is much more attentive to me in other ways. He has changed his nickname for me. He used to call me Sweetie occasionally, but now he calls me "Beautiful" like ALL the time, as if he doesn't even know my name. And it makes me blush EVERY time...like we just started dating or something. In company he will refer to me like "And my beautiful pregnant wife would like a glass of water too, please". It's so weird, but so great. Like we've started over. I mean, we've been together for 10 years, so I guess even though we just got married 8 months ago, we are just so accustomed to each other that we don't really behave all sucky anymore, just sort of more symbiotically comfortable, so it's really nice to feel this way. I notice him looking at me sometimes, where I used to think he NEVER looked at me. He kisses and holds my hand in the car, he rubs my tummy, he smiles at me...He even wants to take me out to a movie this week. Like a DATE!! Geez, I could really get used to this!

Good Stuff!

Good stuff is happening!!

I am so happy...we got a wedding present yesterday!! Somebody sent us a late gift of $200 cash, which is great because I found the crib of my dreams, and it ain't cheap! So by next week, I will have $700 to put towards the baby's room! Yay!! AND my MIL wants to contribute! She wants to buy the crib, but IIII want to buy the crib from my OWN money. Not Joe's. Not hers. Not MY mom's. MINE. Why, I don't know...just something I want to do, and now we have the means to get the one I want AND the dresser and maybe part of the bedding, even!

Also, I went to Fabricland on the way home from work on Friday, and I got 3 different fabrics to make into slings because I think they're cool. The lady that cut my fabric kept saying "This is nice fabric! This is REALLY nice fabric!" which made me feel double cool, haha. Maybe when I get the crib and have some measurements I will make the bedding, even. That might save me a couple pennies, too...plus the fabrics...omg...some of them are SOOOO gorgeous. Hooray!!

I mentioned the 3D ultrasounds that you pay for to my stepdad in conversation. I was saying how you get a video and some stills and how they look so detailed and amazing. I was saying how we may go do that just to have, but we were debating whether it was worth the $$. He said he's going to pay. Book it or else. Hooray!!!

I am too happy...things are going so well! I just am so grateful to the universe or what have you for blessing me so much. I am humbled. And so happy I could pee...actually...that's not happiness...that's the Coke....

Gotta run!!

I think you can tell it's a baby and not just fat for me now. Now I am at the fun part where people forget that it's not always polite to just stick their hands out and rub somebody's tummy. Besides that, I find they always need to rub where my lunch is, not where Peanut is. That makes me feel chunky.

Fun.

Movin on up...

It's been several weeks of gradual realization for me that the baby is moving, and I can actually feel it!!

I am finding that Peanut is much much busier when I am settled, be it at my desk at work, watching tv, or in bed for the night. I heard that all your motion in the day walking around, bending over, running for the bus...It's all rocking to the baby, and they fall asleep. But when you relax, well! Then it's party time!!

Actually...Last night when we went to bed, Joe felt the baby move for the first time. Peanut was REALLY busy last night, so I thought meh...give it a try. Well he had his hand on my tummy for all of a minute when Peanut did something unusually BIG (elbows? knees? feet?) Joe felt it, jumped, and claimed it was "scary". Wow...men can be odd. Today he said on the phone that he isn't actually scared and he would like to feel it again cuz it was "really neat". I must ask him to define scary...what's scary about the baby moving???

Halfway!!

I can't believe I am sitting here saying that I am at 20 weeks. Seems it was just yesterday I was nervously scanning in my HPT and asking the girls what the faint line meant.

But alas, here I am, and it is starting to really hit me like a freight train that I have to get my butt in gear and do up a nursery for my little critter. I doubt the cat bed is suitable! (Well, maybe if I get a good lint brush....Hehehe) It really is truly amazing how time flies, and so much fun to be able to celebrate a milestone every Friday.

It has all been so wonderful. Even the tired days, and the cranky days, and the 'wow, I feel fat' days. I am just so happy being pregnant. Joe said to me the other night that he has never seen me looking so wonderful and so unbelievably happy...He says I am all aglow. Everyone I know says that I should be pregnant forever because I look so pretty, which is nice to hear for sure, but kinda not at the same time because one day I will NOT be pregnant, and then what? I will be ugly? Frightening thought, but wonderful too, because the day I turn back into a pumpkin is the day I meet my little Ella.

Omg. I so can't wait to see her little face, touch her little hands, tickle her little feet...How will I ever make it through 20 more weeks!?

Tummy feels...

I have a feeling that there is an extremely large gas bubble or something in my tummy. If I press it, it's sort of tender. I guess that's Peanut's house, hehe. I feel all stretched out right now, even on the outside, but so far, no stretch marks!!

Well, I went for my u/s and it's a...

Well, it's 99.9% a girl!!! Now we know that she will be Ella Carolina. Nana will be overjoyed, and so will Joe's vavo! What a beautiful thing.

The ultrasound was amazing. We got to see all sorts of little bits...fingers, toes, a perfect spine, a nice round skull...and a tiny heart just a' fluttering away. Joe's eyes were misty...I was just in awe. The ultrasound lady showed us all she could and then said she was sorry, but she was done. She handed us our two pictures, and...well...they're scary. But it was nice of her anyhow, haha.

What is it? What is it???

Everyone has an opinion. It's a boy!! It's a girl!!! It's a boy!!! It's a girl!!!

They're driving me crazy. I don't have an opinion yet. One day I think Peanut is a girl, one day Peanut is a boy. I guess I would prefer a girl, but I would be delighted with a boy too. The Portuguese people all say I'm having a boy because I look so good. Apparently girls steal their mother's beauty, so if you look good, it HAS to be a boy. I think back to people I know...there is a certain person I can think of who had two boys and didn't look their best with either of them...so I'm thinking this theory may have some holes in it.

I have had a ring on a chain swung in front of my belly. This very accurate test(peh, whatever!) has clearly shown that Peanut is a boy.

I have had my hairline at the back of my neck checked. This ALSO very accurate test has determined that Peanut can be none other than a girl.

According to the Chinese Lunar Calendar, Peanut must be a boy.

According to my husband's very touching dream, Peanut is a girl. I tend to go with him. And I have had a few where the baby is a girl too....maybe?

We'll find out soon enough!

Where am I now?

Yes...definitely starting to show a bit. People would be more likely to notice that I'm preggo and not just fat at this stage, although I feel pretty fat. There is a certain amount of adjustment, I guess. Anyhow, when I lay down, I can feel my uterus ends just a bit below my belly button, which I believe is right where it's supposed to be. I can't recognize my boobs anymore. I have cleavage even without the pushup now, so that's pretty incredible in my books. Yesterday I went out and bought some bigger undies as well as a few bigger bras. I wore my favourite new bra today, and it had to go into the wash after being on for only a few hours. Apparently I am going to have problems with leaky boobs already. Hooray.

Tomorrow morning I am going to the doctor for a check in. I am hoping she will listen to the baby's heart again. I can't wait!! Oh...I will find out when my next u/s is then. And I definitely want to know what sex the baby is. People say "Don't you want to be surprised?" and I just tell them it will be a surprise whether I find out now or in 5 months from now, hehe.

We have bought lots of stuff for baby. Mostly little outfits, basically. No big ticket items yet, though we are starting our hunt for the elusive 'perfect stroller' already. That is the one part that Joe is very especially interested in, I think mainly because they have wheels. "Baby's first set of wheels" has GOT to be stylish or Daddy will not be happy, you know!

Update

Do you want the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth? Even if it's icky? Well tough. You're getting it anyway.

I am constipated, and I don't like Metamucil or the fancy cookies, so I don't have them as often as I should. Then I get all mad at myself, and swear to never put myself through the constipation ordeal again. So I buckle down and take my Metamucil like a good kid for a while, but it's yucky. So then I don't take my Metamucil like I'm supposed to...and the whole thing starts over.

My boobs are itchy, and growing. And leaky? Is that supposed to happen already???

I am short of breath all the time.

I am at the 'fat' stage, but not yet at the 'preggo' stage in terms of how I look. I wear mat tops to show people I'm not just fat. I don't know if people get it.

I belch and I toot. Never at appropriate times. I blame it on Peanut, but maybe it's just that I'm not as careful as I used to be since I now have Peanut to blame it on?

I sleep when I should clean. I eat when I should sleep. I clean when I should eat. Lather, rinse, repeat.

I drop things. I forget things. I walk into things.

So ya. That's me right now!

Good stuff and not so good stuff.

I like knowing there is a little person baking in there, and that even though I feel like I have never really been that good at anything, my body is making something absolutely incredible. I am enjoying seeing my tummy changing, too. Oh...and I like to think I get away with more stuff because I'm pregnant, especially if I say "The baby made me do it", hehe.

The only things that stink are the things that I'm used to, but that I'm not supposed to do anymore. Things like taking hot showers or eating ham sandwiches, or drinking pop with aspartame...There is so much I SHOULDN'T do...There really are more 'don'ts' than 'do's' and it's actually hard to keep track of it all! I figure that whatever it is, it can't be THAT bad, because there sure are a lot of people in the world, and I'm sure that someone's mom somewhere had that caesar salad with raw egg in the dressing without knowing it was bad and the baby lived. Stupid rules anyway.

Hormones are wreaking havoc.

Here are the things that made me upset or angry today:

*Having to stand on the bus.
*Girl on bus with knapsack steadily swinging into me.
*Teenagers giggling in fake high pitched squeals.
*Lady on elevator who pushed "tickets" when everyone else was going to "buses."
*Lady on subway noisily cracking open large sunflower seed things (that weren't sunflower seeds) and then spitting the shells on the floor and the seat between us.
*People with ugly sunglasses.
*People with pierced lips, but only because it irritates my lips to think of it.
*Smelly man on subway hitting me with his newspaper.
*Bank machine out of order.
*Slush machine out of order at convenience store.
*BBQ sauce on grilled chicken on top of my caesar salad.
*Messy haired people.
*Too many dishes in the sink at work. Why do people need to use 5 mugs a day? (I usually wind up washing the office dishes)
*Hangnail snagging on my scarf and hurting.
*Pants keep falling down.
*Bus letting me off in a puddle.
*Getting a phone call that I had to investigate by going all the way out through the warehouse and outside to ask someone about, and when I came back she had hung up.
....and so much more that I can't remember.


Conversely, there were things that made me feel insanely happy and well adjusted:

*Crowded like sardines in a can on the elevator this morning. I was thinking how nice it was to have so many neighbours. A man sneezed, and I said bless you. He looked surprised, smiled big, and said a hearty "thank you!"
*A bird singing its guts out in a tree.
*A moment of sun this morning that made my face feel warm.
*Talking to Joe on the phone and he was in a great mood.
*Putting my spaceheater on at work and pointing it at my cold toes.
*A colleague retied the string at the back of my blouse for me.
*Another colleague got my memory card from my camera out of my printer cuz I couldn't get it with my nails.

God I'm weird today!

I can't breathe!!

I seem to be somewhat short of breath lately. I'm not gasping for air or anything, but I seem to find myself needing to take a deep breath every few minutes. I just need more oxygen. Is this normal or am I just weird? I know it's normal much later in the game, but it seems like this is WAYYYY too early!

The Empress' New Clothes

In light of the changing tummy, I felt it was time to celebrate by getting some new clothes. It was off to Old Navy for me. I bought a pair of mat jeans and three T-shirts. It's nice to have stuff to wear, even though it's pretty early for them. I am wearing the jeans now anyway because they haven't got the big panel at the front, just the elastic gathering at the waist. I wear them with a belt, and you can't tell they are mat, plus they are sooooo comfy because they don't put pressure on my tummy. I am still at the in between stage where my regular pants don't fit without doing magic tricks with elastics, and mat stuff is still a bit big. I really can't wait until I start to look pregnant instead of just chunky!!

My tummy is changing

After seeing my baby during the u/s, I was already feeling beyond...WAYYY beyond ecstatic, but now I can feel my tummy is changing shape, and this for me is ALSO very exciting. Unfortunately, I am still not at the "pregnant looking" stage. In fact, there is very little difference in how I look, but when I touch low on my tummy just above my pelvic bone, I can feel a change. It's really starting to properly sink in now. It's true!! It's for real!! I'm gonna have a baby!

How crazy am I? Really. Don't be shy. On a scale of one to ten, one being sane....

Ultrasound Day!

I was all upset because Joe couldn't be there for my first ultrasound. My mommy took me, though, so that was cool.

So. I was to drink 6 glasses of water by 12:00pm, and then my appointment was for 1:20. Mom picked me up at 12:15, and I already had to pee. I drank nearly a full 1.5 litre bottle of Evian. I figured that was about 6 glasses if I figured each glass was about 1 cup of water. By the time we got there, (WAYYYYY early at about 12:30) I was FREAKING. I thought I was gonna wet my pants! Luckily, the u/s tech guy was able to take me early. As soon as he touched the wand to my belly and looked at the screen, he said "Little girl, you gotta go empty the tank a bit! Your bladder is WAY too full!! Don't worry, you can't make a mistake, the baby is big enough that I can see it just fine, so go until you feel comfortable." So off I went to the little girl's room, and I tried to pee a bit, but not all. Well, let me tell you, when you're bursting as I was, this is not an easy task, but I felt better after. When I got back to the room, he started over, and had a good look around. He said the size of the baby was just right, and that it looked perfect. All of a sudden my mom goes "Oh my God!! Is that a little HAND!?" Sure enough, he said it was, and took a picture for me. The screen was kind of turned away from me, so I couldn't see it very well, but I was looking at my mom's face, and she was grinning like a cheshire cat, but all misty eyed. She saw the baby's little heart just beating away even before I could get a good look. Near the end after checking the heartrate (167 beats per minute) he turned the screen so I could see. Wow. It was amazing. The little heart was all a flutter. Soooo amazing. But he said we wouldn't be able to hear it well, so he never tried. So. I did not hear the heartbeat, and even though I was a bit upset about that, I SAW it, and that was just fine with me. I don't think I have ever seen anything that wonderful, EVER.

As we were leaving the office, (it was about 1:10) I called Joe to tell him that there really IS a peanut! He said his boss had taken pity on him and gave him the rest of the day off, and he was already on his way over. He was sooo disappointed because he missed it anyway. Poor guy. But we met up for lunch and he saw the pics, and my mom told him all about what she saw, and how amazing it was, so hopefully he got a good idea of it, even if he didn't get the full visual. He just sat there all through lunch with this faraway smile on his face. It was so cute. You really had to see it.

After lunch, Mom was off to do shopping, and Joe took me to see Dr. Marcovitz for my physical. After taking half my blood she got out a doppler, and Joe and I got to hear the heartbeat. It was so amazing to hear, and also to see Joe's face split into such a humongous grin. I haven't seen him happy like that since the wedding.

So that was my long convoluted story about my u/s. I know...You want pics. Well then. Without further ado, may I introduce my little Peanut, measuring 6 cm, and weighing in at under an ounce.

My baby.

More Ultrasound Nerves...

Tomorrow is my ultrasound, and I am a nervous wreck. I am so excited, but there is a part of me that is worried that I won't hear that heartbeat. Even though I tell myself that I am sure everything is just fine, I feel so good, no morning sickness, no real complaints at all, I still keep worrying that something might be wrong. I am just thankful that my mommy can come with me and keep me sane. Am I being a nutcase, or is this normal???

First Ultrasound Coming Up...Nervous.

I am scheduled to go for my first ultrasound on Monday. I am both excited and nervous all at the same time. I am soooo excited to hear the baby's heartbeat, but scared at the same time in case I don't hear it, you know? The sucky thing is that Joe can't be there, as even though he tried every possible option, he still can't get the time off work. Apparently a lot of guys are off that day already since they had it booked because of the long weekend, and FedEx can't afford to be down yet another guy. He's really upset about it, as am I, but there really is no way around it. Luckily for me, my mom is able to come, so at least I don't have to go all alone. I hope I will be able to get a picture or something to bring home for Joe. I feel so bad for him since this is just as big for him as it is for me!

Fun new developments. Joy!

Today I woke up, and I thought "Whoa...did my boobs grow even more overnight?" (After checking myself out for a bit, and looking at them from every conceivable angle, I did actually go to work.) But oh, the glory! Growing boobles! I thought I was done with that at 18, but yay! Pregnancy does have it's magic. Unfortunately, this type of magic seems to have come with a price. I am now getting stabbing pains every now and again. They pass almost as quickly as they come, but wow. SOOO not fun while they last! And ITCHY!! OMG, SOOOO itchy! Every now and then at work I have to pull a mission impossible and scratch.

Just one of the ways I pay for our gift, I guess. So very very worth it.

How Peanut Became Peanut

The baby is only about the size of a peanut, but I've got a names list. And a book. And some websites... but we seem to be ok with what we have chosen so far. Ethan John for a boy and Ella Carolina for a girl. Who knows. We may look at our little peanut when she/he is born and say "nope, doesn't fit" but for now, we're happy with our choices.

Maybe we'll just name him/her Peanut. That would settle things nicely!

Suggestion Cravings

I have been having a "suggestion craving" type thing rather than the normal type. I also get a word association craving thing which is sort of related...This is how my Cheesies craving came about...

Me to Joe: "I love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu"
Joe: "I love you toooooooooooo"
Me: "Oh man! We are so cheesy!!....Mmmmm...Can you pick up some Cheesies?"

Still preggo!

Feel quite terrific other than the gas, and the fact that suddenly none of my clothes fit...

I have an u/s booked for the 28th, so I am looking forward to it sooooo much. I can't wait to hear a heartbeat and know that things are as they should be.

Ya, so that's the update for me.

ARGH!! Hormones!

March 3rd entry.

I am unusually irritable lately. I want to tell people who bug me to piss off half the time, which is not like me. It was even bugging me how much I was letting people bug me. I thought it was maybe stress or something.

Today, though...TODAY takes the cake. We were coming home from watching BIL play hockey, and I had the hugest laughing fit that I have ever had in my life. Over nothing at all! And I couldn't stop! I was doubled over with tears squirting outta my eyes, laughing so hard I was nearly choking. I seriously thought I was going to laugh till I puked, and the whole time, I was asking myself what the hell was so funny. Poor Joe was trying to get me out of the garage and into the elevator, the whole time just looking at me like I was mental, which was ALSO hilariously funny to me...Just his expression. Pure and utter confuddlement. He's probably right. I think I AM going mental!

How's THAT for hormones?!

I'm feeling...

I feel amazing. I don't know if that's cause for worry or not, but it seems that most of the icky things are over with now. I don't get as queasy in the evenings, the dreaded constipation has pretty much passed thanks to Metamucil and I'm feeling less tired... My only complaints at the moment are that I am feeling gassy and bloated a lot, and I can't take much by way of irritation. I want to smack ppl at work sometimes, but then again, it's been pretty crazy here lately, so it might not be related. Other than that, I feel just fine. Another fabulous bonus is that my skin seems to be staying clear since there are no periods to bring on the zits! Yahoo!

Questions.

Oh my goodness. I never knew it was possible to have so very many questions.

"I feel as if I should have more symptoms than I do. Not that I really want any, but...you know...peace of mind, and all that. I keep thinking...is Peanut still there? Is it some kind of weird dream? My cramps have pretty much gone, and my boobs aren't THAT sore..."

"I am sick as a dog. I don't think I've ever been hit this hard with a cold...it's like...the Moby Dick of colds. I have an earache, and I am nearly deaf, which, interestingly, makes everything sound like robots. My cat just meowed, and it was the weirdest thing I've ever heard! I'm soooo stuffed up, and have a cough.

What OTC remedies can I take? My doctor isn't in until Monday, and I remember she told me I can only take Tylenol and Tums, and anything outside of that to ask...What's a girl to do for three days?? Get used to this hell? Invest in Tetley's stocks? I'm not even supposed to take a hot shower, so that rules out standing in there all day every day...Even some minor relief...just make it a whale of a cold instead of a Moby Dick of a cold..."

"I know this is waaaayyy TMI, but I can't take it anymore! I just want to go to the bathroom like a normal person! The last three times I went numero dos, I was in there forever. Tonight, an hour, and I had to give up. This is pure hell. What can I do?"

"It seems that I am dreaming every night, which I never really noticed before, and they are all dreams with babies. Some are nice, but some are really weird! I can even remember them very clearly in the morning. Is that weird?"

"I have been getting crampy feelings for the last several days...almost a week. They're not severe, and they come and go. It feels like I'm about to get my period, but obviously I won't.... Is this normal? Should I be concerned that something is wrong?"

On and on the questions come. I was beginning to get the hang of being pregnant, though. Finally I have made it to the point where I can even say "I am pregnant" without feeling weird.

Telling everyone else...

We went and told my parents on a Friday night. My mom kept looking at me funny, as if to say..."What are you doing here?" I know she could tell something was up. Plus we had gift bags.

I made up little gifts for them. For my mom, I put together a little set with an "I love my grandma" bib, tiny socks, and a pacifier, and I had a tiny diaper that came with a magazine I picked up at the doctor's office, so I threw it in.

For my Stepdad, I got him a "I love my Grandpa" bib, and for my sister and Joe's brother, we bought blank bibs and I painted "I love my Aunt" and "I love my Uncle" on them with fabric paint.

On Friday night, we got my sister to come home (no small feat, so we told her we had a present for her...bribery usually works, lol!) We showed up unannouced, and before my sister, at my mom's. When she saw gifts in my hand she immediately started with the "What's this? Why are you bringing presents?" stuff, so we told her and my stepdad to open them at the same time. When my mom got it open, she looked inside and immediately her face screwed up and she started crying. My stepdad followed suit. Then my sobbing mother started shouting "My baby's having a baby!!!" and ran over and hugged me for an hour until I couldn't breathe. My sis came, and my mom didn't want to give anything away with her red eyes, so she ran into the bathroom and locked the door. She came out a few minutes later, and said she had SUCH a cold. My sister looked at her, and said "But you were fine this morning...?" So I gave my sis hers, and she did the jumping-screaming-running-knock-me-down-crying thing. It was great. All in all, an evening I will never forget as long as I live. Right up there with the night I went over to show them my brand sparkly new engagement ring. But better.

For Joe's mom I did up a gift just like my mom's, and took it over on the following day. When she opened it, she just jumped. Up and down. Up and down. Screaming, crying....Jumping some more. It was so funny. Wish I had of gotten them all on video. It would have been amazing to watch later on! John was really happy too, and hugs were shared all around.

All in all, everyone is really really excited. I couldn't have asked for a better response from anyone.

Life is beautiful.

Informing the father that he will be...well...a father!

I was kinda waiting for an opportune time...see... I was gonna tell him one night after a get together, but we kinda got in a fight. So I had to save it. The following morning, I was determined to tell him. He took a shower, and that tends to wash away icky moods as well as dirt. Meanwhile, I wrote him a note.

The note said...

"Hi Daddy,

Mommy is pretty sure that I will be seeing you sooner than we thought. Probably sometime in early October.

I will be the best anniversary present Mommy could ever give you.

See you soon,
Love
Baby Gomes


p.s. I can’t wait to learn to skate with you."


He came out of the shower, and I followed him around the house for a bit, trying to gather my nerve. I was shaking soooo bad when I finally gave it to him. He looked at it for a while, and then he said "What do you mean, 'Baby Gomes'? Are you...." and I said "I think so", and then he cried and cried with me. I gave him the test in a little box, and then he cried some more. We sat there and talked about it for a long while, both still in a sort of happy shock. Finally we decided to go do something. He took me out to the book store to buy "What to expect when you're expecting" and ANOTHER HPT because I still couldn't believe it myself. It was a digital one, and it came up with a great big "+" which was such a joy.

He was so happy. Thank God!!

I took his doctor's appointment that Thursday to have it 100% confirmed, as if 5 positive tests were not enough. After talking with Dr. Marcovitz for a bit, and telling her about my positive tests, she congratulated me, and said a positive is a positive, so I am preggo. Then she took blood and told me that her office would call me Friday just to confirm, and give me numbers, which they did. It was true, but not yet real.

Peanut's Journey Begins

One day in January, I made an appointment with Joe. I wanted to discuss when he would like to start thinking about a baby. I made a lovely dinner, and we sat down at the dining room table. I put my Josh Groban cd on which I find soothing, and lit the candles. Funny, but our most productive, insightful, and significant conversations seem to have been at the table sipping coffee after dinner. I think it seems to be that way because there are no other distractions from television, etc. Nothing to do but talk. Well, this time, since we know that we were there to discuss something huge, neither one of us could think of a good way to start the conversation. It was like sitting down to dinner with an entirely new person...I felt ackward, and I could tell that he did too. Finally I brought it up, and we got down to a nice serious discussion. I made the interesting point that it usually takes several months to get pregnant, 6 being the average, so if we got started right away, we might be pregnant by the summer with a baby due roughly the following spring...well over a year away. Sounded like a good plan to Joe, so on January 16th, 2005 we agreed to not be as careful as normal.

A couple weeks later, I mentioned to Joe that my boobs were sore, which is highly unusual for me. I thought maybe it was just because my period was coming, so I dismissed the idea...Joe, I later discovered, immediately began researching the symptoms of pregnancy based on my comment. Maybe Joe knew before I did...how's that for crazy?

On January 27th, I was on my way home from work and decided on the spur of the moment to buy a HPT. 'Maybe,' I thought, 'just maybe there is something to this sore boob situation.' I felt like I was being silly and wasting money, but I really didn't have anything better to do, so I went home and stared at the box, trying to decide whether to use it or not. Finally, I decided to POAS.
.
"Hmmm. Well. I think I see something, but what is it? What does it mean? Is a faint line just nothing? Or is it something important? Maybe the test just shows that it's working by having a faint line like that..." I sat there for a good while just staring at it. I felt anxious, excited, but mostly terrified out of my wits. What if it's positive!!! OMG...What if it's negative??? So I consulted my dear online friends over at Married Woman.

"Help me out here, cuz I can't tell what the heck this is. I've been all over the internet looking for answers, and I just seem to get nowhere." I posted the picture above, and waited. It seemed like an eternity, but the responses began rolling in...

"Looks like a very light positive to me. How late is your period?"

"I see a very faint second line so it looks like a positive test to me. :)"

"I see a very faint 2nd line as well. Could you see it at all before you took the test?? If not than looks like a positive to me! "

"Looks like a positive to me!!!I am thinking that Joe did not think it would happen this fast, LOL..."

"Ya, if it's early, and you haven't yet missed a period, then your level of Hcg isn't that high yet, so that's why the line in faint... BUT, looks like you are pregnant girl! I'd take a second test in a few days and defiantely see your doctor. Congratulations :D"

"I can see a line. And a line is a line, so I would think congrats might be in order! I had a very faint positive... the first time I tested... I felt this compulsion ot test a million times... lolMaybe get another test and test with your first thing in the morning urine. "

I posted that I had purchased a box of two for just such an occasion. ;)

"Congrats! Tell us how your hubby takes the news! Here's to a happy nine months!!
"Well Congrats to you!!!! Looks like my first 3 tests!! Hehehe I just kept taking tests not believing what I saw! I hope everything goes great for you!!!"

"That's exactly what my first test looked like. It was unbelievably faint. It should get darker tomorrow and definitely darker the day after that. Perhaps wait a day and test Saturday with the other test just to confirm.But I believe congratulations are in order. You must be the first October mommy."

"Wow!! I agree some congratulations are in order!! Looks like your NTNTC [Not Trying Not to Conceive] worked!! "

"Very cool, congrats....that's some serious swimmers your Hubby's got!"

"A line is a line. thats how mine looked and I have Rylar as proof.
a line is a line
congrats
enjoy the next 10 months"

"Why can't they make a pregnacy test that screams - girl you are so pregnant. Your test looks just like mine did. I even called the 1-800 line to be sure and I was told a line is a line. Girl you are so pregnant. Congrats to you and DH. "

On and on the replies came in...I was still chicken. I couldn't get excited yet. What if it was wrong? Besides that... Seeing a possibly positive test...it's such an overwhelming thing. You really don't know how to take it. I decided the best thing would be to take the other test on the Friday morning.



"Good God. I'm a mess. I'm happy...(I think), but mainly I'm terrified right now! I can't stop shaking. What if it's a bad time in our lives? What if DH isn't happy? But then I look at that gorgeous pic of Michette with her beautiful baby, and I think...could that be me down the road? I don't believe it right now. I don't feel different...I think I should be sick, or something. 'The girls' aren't even that tender today. Ok...I'm rambling, and I am not making sense. "

So many wonderful people were supporting me and cheering me on. How could I not feel completely, insanely, doubly blessed? It looked like my life was about to change.

I figured it might be a good idea to tell Joe.