Peanut's Journey Begins

One day in January, I made an appointment with Joe. I wanted to discuss when he would like to start thinking about a baby. I made a lovely dinner, and we sat down at the dining room table. I put my Josh Groban cd on which I find soothing, and lit the candles. Funny, but our most productive, insightful, and significant conversations seem to have been at the table sipping coffee after dinner. I think it seems to be that way because there are no other distractions from television, etc. Nothing to do but talk. Well, this time, since we know that we were there to discuss something huge, neither one of us could think of a good way to start the conversation. It was like sitting down to dinner with an entirely new person...I felt ackward, and I could tell that he did too. Finally I brought it up, and we got down to a nice serious discussion. I made the interesting point that it usually takes several months to get pregnant, 6 being the average, so if we got started right away, we might be pregnant by the summer with a baby due roughly the following spring...well over a year away. Sounded like a good plan to Joe, so on January 16th, 2005 we agreed to not be as careful as normal.

A couple weeks later, I mentioned to Joe that my boobs were sore, which is highly unusual for me. I thought maybe it was just because my period was coming, so I dismissed the idea...Joe, I later discovered, immediately began researching the symptoms of pregnancy based on my comment. Maybe Joe knew before I did...how's that for crazy?

On January 27th, I was on my way home from work and decided on the spur of the moment to buy a HPT. 'Maybe,' I thought, 'just maybe there is something to this sore boob situation.' I felt like I was being silly and wasting money, but I really didn't have anything better to do, so I went home and stared at the box, trying to decide whether to use it or not. Finally, I decided to POAS.
.
"Hmmm. Well. I think I see something, but what is it? What does it mean? Is a faint line just nothing? Or is it something important? Maybe the test just shows that it's working by having a faint line like that..." I sat there for a good while just staring at it. I felt anxious, excited, but mostly terrified out of my wits. What if it's positive!!! OMG...What if it's negative??? So I consulted my dear online friends over at Married Woman.

"Help me out here, cuz I can't tell what the heck this is. I've been all over the internet looking for answers, and I just seem to get nowhere." I posted the picture above, and waited. It seemed like an eternity, but the responses began rolling in...

"Looks like a very light positive to me. How late is your period?"

"I see a very faint second line so it looks like a positive test to me. :)"

"I see a very faint 2nd line as well. Could you see it at all before you took the test?? If not than looks like a positive to me! "

"Looks like a positive to me!!!I am thinking that Joe did not think it would happen this fast, LOL..."

"Ya, if it's early, and you haven't yet missed a period, then your level of Hcg isn't that high yet, so that's why the line in faint... BUT, looks like you are pregnant girl! I'd take a second test in a few days and defiantely see your doctor. Congratulations :D"

"I can see a line. And a line is a line, so I would think congrats might be in order! I had a very faint positive... the first time I tested... I felt this compulsion ot test a million times... lolMaybe get another test and test with your first thing in the morning urine. "

I posted that I had purchased a box of two for just such an occasion. ;)

"Congrats! Tell us how your hubby takes the news! Here's to a happy nine months!!
"Well Congrats to you!!!! Looks like my first 3 tests!! Hehehe I just kept taking tests not believing what I saw! I hope everything goes great for you!!!"

"That's exactly what my first test looked like. It was unbelievably faint. It should get darker tomorrow and definitely darker the day after that. Perhaps wait a day and test Saturday with the other test just to confirm.But I believe congratulations are in order. You must be the first October mommy."

"Wow!! I agree some congratulations are in order!! Looks like your NTNTC [Not Trying Not to Conceive] worked!! "

"Very cool, congrats....that's some serious swimmers your Hubby's got!"

"A line is a line. thats how mine looked and I have Rylar as proof.
a line is a line
congrats
enjoy the next 10 months"

"Why can't they make a pregnacy test that screams - girl you are so pregnant. Your test looks just like mine did. I even called the 1-800 line to be sure and I was told a line is a line. Girl you are so pregnant. Congrats to you and DH. "

On and on the replies came in...I was still chicken. I couldn't get excited yet. What if it was wrong? Besides that... Seeing a possibly positive test...it's such an overwhelming thing. You really don't know how to take it. I decided the best thing would be to take the other test on the Friday morning.



"Good God. I'm a mess. I'm happy...(I think), but mainly I'm terrified right now! I can't stop shaking. What if it's a bad time in our lives? What if DH isn't happy? But then I look at that gorgeous pic of Michette with her beautiful baby, and I think...could that be me down the road? I don't believe it right now. I don't feel different...I think I should be sick, or something. 'The girls' aren't even that tender today. Ok...I'm rambling, and I am not making sense. "

So many wonderful people were supporting me and cheering me on. How could I not feel completely, insanely, doubly blessed? It looked like my life was about to change.

I figured it might be a good idea to tell Joe.